Articles
March 18, 2024: What is Coercive Control?
According to "Coercive Control How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life" by Evan Stark, Coercive Control is often psychologically devastating. Coercive Control shares general elements with other crimes such as kidnapping, stalking, and harassment, including the fact that it is ongoing and perpetrators use various means to hurt, humiliate, intimidate, exploit, isolate, and dominate their victims.
In addition, 'the use of children' or "child abuse" and the ability to monopolize a person's capacities for self-direction in ways that extend from basic decision-making such as work, sex, place of residence, travel, childbirth, and sex, to sleep, eating, and other everyday activities through a combination of force, threat, exploitation and stealth.
"Cognitive psychologists in the late 1970's and 1980's tried to capture what these women were experiencing by comparing it to "coercive persuasion," brainwashing, and other tactics used with hostages, prisoners of war, kidnap victims..."
"Coercive Control accounts for 50% to 80% of all help-seeking by abused women and that the majority of these victims had been subjected to multiple control tactics, amongst which the denial of money, the monitoring of time, and restricted mobility and communication are prominent."
"There is no quick fix for coercive control, but this book offers a partial fix: new law and a mass campaign that highlights women's rights in personal life..."
According to "Coercive Control How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life" by Evan Stark, Coercive Control is often psychologically devastating. Coercive Control shares general elements with other crimes such as kidnapping, stalking, and harassment, including the fact that it is ongoing and perpetrators use various means to hurt, humiliate, intimidate, exploit, isolate, and dominate their victims.
In addition, 'the use of children' or "child abuse" and the ability to monopolize a person's capacities for self-direction in ways that extend from basic decision-making such as work, sex, place of residence, travel, childbirth, and sex, to sleep, eating, and other everyday activities through a combination of force, threat, exploitation and stealth.
"Cognitive psychologists in the late 1970's and 1980's tried to capture what these women were experiencing by comparing it to "coercive persuasion," brainwashing, and other tactics used with hostages, prisoners of war, kidnap victims..."
"Coercive Control accounts for 50% to 80% of all help-seeking by abused women and that the majority of these victims had been subjected to multiple control tactics, amongst which the denial of money, the monitoring of time, and restricted mobility and communication are prominent."
"There is no quick fix for coercive control, but this book offers a partial fix: new law and a mass campaign that highlights women's rights in personal life..."
March 22, 2024: Explaining The Duration of Abuse
A well written definition in "Coercive Control How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life" by Evan Stark, that identifies women's dependance on abusive men the cycle of abuse endured.
"There is no shortage of explanations for why women stay with abusive men....accounts focus on change induced by the abuse itself, the relative status of the partners, and the dynamics in abusive relationships. The most sophisticated explanation is that women's dependance on abusive men and the problems that develop in this context are byproducts of violence-induced trauma. Proponents of trauma theory hold the exposure to severe violence ...producing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and a range of secondary psychosocial and behavioral problems. Trauma theory compliments earlier accounts of how violence induced changes in a victim's personality make it difficult for her to exit an abusive relationship, particularly the theory of "battered women syndrome" (BWS), which ascribes women's entrapment to "learned helplessness," a form of cognitive distortion induced and reinforced by cycles of violence."
May 1, 2024: Supporting Women after Domestic Violence: Loss Trauma, and Recovery
Author: Hilary Abrahams
Foreword by Cathy Humphreys
"Research has shown clear links between women's experience of domestic abuse and a range of mental health problems, including depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)... (p.23)."
"It is parallel with the hostage scenario that is particularly relevant to women experiencing domestic violence, since they, like hostages, exist in a situation where unpredictable events remove any sense of physical and mental safety. They are isolated from any source of contact except the hostage taker(s) and lose confidence in themselves, their own identity and sense of self-worth, seeking only to survive the experience (p.24)."
"Domestic Violence can be Physical, Psychological, Sexual, Financial or Emotional...(p.28)"
"The majority of incidents are perpetrated by men against women who had intimate relationships...physical and sexual violence can cause permanent damage to women's health and the mental impact of these acts and the emotional abuse of "mind games", coercive control and manipulation are both harder to endure and more difficult to explain to others (p.28)."
"Making the decision to leave may be driven by extremes of fear or anger...lack of resources (p.42)."
"The support and understanding of other women who had experience domestic violence was a value source of strength and inspiration, both emotionally and on a practical level (p.57)."
There is a cycle of leaving the abuser and returning to the abuser because we are groomed to accept their negative behaviour. This "trauma bond" is another challenge that causes women to struggle to depart from their abusers.
May 15, 2024: Bill S-249: To Develop a National Strategy to Prevent Intimate Partner Violence, Proposed Actions to be Included From a Survivor's Perspective
In April 2023, I had the opportunity to attend (virtually) a meeting with Members of the Senate to share my experience as a survivor of domestic violence and make recommendations for changes to current policies and procedures which included training for judges, lawyers and protective agencies regarding domestic violence, coercive control, parental alienation allegations and post-separation abuse.
Check out the link below for more information on Bill S-249:
https://cdn.fbsbx.com/v/t59.2708-21/433920049_781739150200872_1144387580449423508_n.pdf/Bill-S-249-National-Strategy-for-the-Prevention-of-Intimate-Partner-Violence-IPV.pdf?_nc_cat=111&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=2b0e22&_nc_ohc=YzkXfJnZUxoQ7kNvgHhqzV5&_nc_ht=cdn.fbsbx.com&oh=03_Q7cD1QGVyginIiUB9NX1cM97bM4dYbNMXJBPLtCAvrXNI4DqWw&oe=66472C30&dl=1
July 16, 2024: Learned Helplessness
Learned helplessness occurs when a person who has experienced repeated challenges comes to believe they have no control over their situation. They then give up trying to make changes and accept their fate.
In animals, learned helplessness occurs when an animal is repeatedly subjected to an aversive stimulus that it cannot escape. Eventually, the animal will stop trying to avoid the stimulus and behave as if it is utterly helpless to change the situation. Even when opportunities to escape are presented, this learned helplessness will prevent any action.
While the concept is strongly tied to animal psychology and behavior, it can also apply to many situations involving human beings. When people feel that they have no control over their situation, they may begin to behave in a helpless manner. This inaction can lead people to overlook opportunities for relief or change.
For example, poor performance at work or at school, even after putting in a lot of effort, can lead to feelings of learned helpless. People may be left feeling that no matter what they do or how hard they work, nothing will make a difference.
The truth about covert abuse relationships is the abuser makes YOU feel like you’re going crazy.
They use manipulation and gaslighting tactics to blame you for everything and avoid any kind of accountability.
Since COVID, there has been a significant increase in recognizing this covert abuse and it needs to be talked about. #breakthesilence
Yes he makes you cry sometimes, but there are really good times too.
Sometimes he can be scary, but he loves you so much.
He can be violent on occasion, but it’s only because you upset him.
He can make you feel worthless but he’s so charming.
You’ve thought about leaving, but he knows all the right things to win you back.
It’s all going to be okay, right?
He wouldn’t actually do anything, right?
Right?
Gabby Petito and Shanann Watts were tragically murdered by their abusers. #BreakTheSilence RIP
Learned helplessness occurs when a person who has experienced repeated challenges comes to believe they have no control over their situation. They then give up trying to make changes and accept their fate.
In animals, learned helplessness occurs when an animal is repeatedly subjected to an aversive stimulus that it cannot escape. Eventually, the animal will stop trying to avoid the stimulus and behave as if it is utterly helpless to change the situation. Even when opportunities to escape are presented, this learned helplessness will prevent any action.
While the concept is strongly tied to animal psychology and behavior, it can also apply to many situations involving human beings. When people feel that they have no control over their situation, they may begin to behave in a helpless manner. This inaction can lead people to overlook opportunities for relief or change.
For example, poor performance at work or at school, even after putting in a lot of effort, can lead to feelings of learned helpless. People may be left feeling that no matter what they do or how hard they work, nothing will make a difference.
The truth about covert abuse relationships is the abuser makes YOU feel like you’re going crazy.
They use manipulation and gaslighting tactics to blame you for everything and avoid any kind of accountability.
Since COVID, there has been a significant increase in recognizing this covert abuse and it needs to be talked about. #breakthesilence
Yes he makes you cry sometimes, but there are really good times too.
Sometimes he can be scary, but he loves you so much.
He can be violent on occasion, but it’s only because you upset him.
He can make you feel worthless but he’s so charming.
You’ve thought about leaving, but he knows all the right things to win you back.
It’s all going to be okay, right?
He wouldn’t actually do anything, right?
Right?
Gabby Petito and Shanann Watts were tragically murdered by their abusers. #BreakTheSilence RIP
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READ OF THE MONTH (August 9, 2024)
When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse
Written by a therapist who specializes in abusive men, this guide reveals how abusers interact with and manipulate children—and how mothers can help their children recover from the trauma of witnessing abuse.
Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children's sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother?
Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Whether it’s physical or “just” emotional abuse, whether it’s aimed at them or you, whether they see or hear it, your kids need you.
This book, the first ever of its kind, shows mothers how
• Protect children and help them heal emotionally
• Provide love, support, and positive role models, even in the midst of abuse
• Increase their chances of winning custody
• Help their kids feel good about themselves
“A must-read for every mother who has been abused...it offers the knowledge women need to protect their children and help them heal.”—William S. Pollack, Ph.D., author of the national bestseller Real Boys
When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse
Written by a therapist who specializes in abusive men, this guide reveals how abusers interact with and manipulate children—and how mothers can help their children recover from the trauma of witnessing abuse.
Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children's sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother?
Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Whether it’s physical or “just” emotional abuse, whether it’s aimed at them or you, whether they see or hear it, your kids need you.
This book, the first ever of its kind, shows mothers how
• Protect children and help them heal emotionally
• Provide love, support, and positive role models, even in the midst of abuse
• Increase their chances of winning custody
• Help their kids feel good about themselves
“A must-read for every mother who has been abused...it offers the knowledge women need to protect their children and help them heal.”—William S. Pollack, Ph.D., author of the national bestseller Real Boys
October 9, 2024: How Trauma Affects the Brain
People who have experienced domestic violence develop neurological ways to keep them safe by reacting to situations in different ways. Those who experience trauma, such as domestic violence, abuse or other types of violence are more at risk for developing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex-PTSD.
There are 3 specific areas of the brain that are impacted by traumatic events: the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala & the hippocampus.
1. The amygdala helps control emotions, survival instincts, and memory. It’s responsible for our “fight or flight” response, which is a process that encourages a person to get away from people, places or events which might cause them harm.
2. People who have experienced traumatic events may have a smaller hippocampus than those who haven’t, as brain scans have shown that the hippocampus has decreased function in people with PTSD when exposed to something that re-triggers their trauma. Hormones are released when someone experiences frequent, high levels of stress, which can destroy cells in the hippocampus.This may affect a person’s ability to form memories, but they may still have vivid memories of their trauma. This can cause feelings of extreme panic and fear.
3. In people who have experienced trauma, the prefrontal cortex will have a hard time regulating fear, along with other strong emotions. This can lead to frequent feelings of panic and anxiety, as well as dysfunctional reactions to situations that are not harmful, or irrational fear. Overcoming these irrational fears may be very difficult for a trauma victim.
Read more: https://dvnconnect.org/how-trauma-impacts-the-brain/
People who have experienced domestic violence develop neurological ways to keep them safe by reacting to situations in different ways. Those who experience trauma, such as domestic violence, abuse or other types of violence are more at risk for developing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex-PTSD.
There are 3 specific areas of the brain that are impacted by traumatic events: the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala & the hippocampus.
1. The amygdala helps control emotions, survival instincts, and memory. It’s responsible for our “fight or flight” response, which is a process that encourages a person to get away from people, places or events which might cause them harm.
2. People who have experienced traumatic events may have a smaller hippocampus than those who haven’t, as brain scans have shown that the hippocampus has decreased function in people with PTSD when exposed to something that re-triggers their trauma. Hormones are released when someone experiences frequent, high levels of stress, which can destroy cells in the hippocampus.This may affect a person’s ability to form memories, but they may still have vivid memories of their trauma. This can cause feelings of extreme panic and fear.
3. In people who have experienced trauma, the prefrontal cortex will have a hard time regulating fear, along with other strong emotions. This can lead to frequent feelings of panic and anxiety, as well as dysfunctional reactions to situations that are not harmful, or irrational fear. Overcoming these irrational fears may be very difficult for a trauma victim.
Read more: https://dvnconnect.org/how-trauma-impacts-the-brain/
